In this 240th Episode of the Small Scale Life Podcast, Adam and Tom discuss watching drones, surviving Christmas gatherings and closing out 2024. Besides the conspiracies and parody songs, Adam and Tom discuss 9 Tips for Surviving Christmas Gatherings, which Tom admits he will be putting into play this week!
The ANT Live Show is every Monday at 7:30 PM Central on the Small Scale Life YouTube Channel. We then post the audio on the Small Scale Life Podcast as soon as we can….barring any reindeer, aliens or drones!
9 Tips for Surviving Christmas Gatherings
The main point of this episode is to provide 7 Tips for Surviving Christmas Gatherings. We all need the help this time of year. Many of us have gatherings and parties of family, friends, coworkers, bosses and other people. Whenever you bring people together, there will be strong personalities and the potential for conflict. One thing is absolutely true:
Failure to plan is planning to fail.
We need tips and strategies for attending these gatherings that can potentially be explosive, relationship ending or career ending. We need to be ready to lean on others who are in the same boat (form an alliance) and be ready to slip out the back door before Esther from Accounting does something or Grandpa Bob says something that ignites a debate or starts a fight. Can I hear an “amen” from the back?
At the end of the day, our Number 1 job is to protect our inner peace and mental health. The second job is to “show up,come for some food, have a couple drinks and leave” with our dignity intact. Special shout out to one of our listeners that spoke that truth. That said, here are our 7 Tips for Surviving Christmas Gatherings:
1. Start with your WHY. Why are you even going? Why do you need to go? Do you have to go? Duty, obligation and tradition are not good enough reasons to go. You do not HAVE TO go; you do not OWE anyone to go and put on a mask just because you “have to.” Is this good or bad for your mental health?
2. Before the event, wargame scenarios and have a strategy when the comments start. If you end up going, chances are that the toxic person will start dropping comments or attitude with you at some point. It is inevitable. Julie and I work togehter to “wargame” scenarios and be ready for these “special moments.” You work through it like this: if Aunt Ruth starts in about X (religion, politics, marriage, babies, your weight, etc), then I am going to divert her by saying Y. It isn’t failproof, but you are getting yourself prepared to handle uncomfortable situations and conversations. You can do this in the rest of your life too: at work, at events, at church, etc. You don’t have to have all the answers during the conversations, but you can avoid getting trapped in a toxic or abusive minefield. It also saves you from wishing you had said A, B and/or C in the heat of the moment when you get home. How many of us wargame AFTER the event and think that we would have answered the comment better or acted better if we had a second chance? By preparing ahead of time, the second chance IS the heat of the moment.
3. Develop boundaries or “Terms and Conditions.” Figure out what are your yeses, your oks and your not oks. These are your boundaries or your terms and conditions. If those toxic people swerve into your not oks, then it is time to put your foot down and call them out on it. There can be a sliding scale, and there can be a sliding scale of reactions as well. Telling the person to stop making that comment or behaving a certain way is on one side of the sliding scale, and flat out gathering your stuff and people and leaving is the other end. Blocking calls, texts, emails and contact is on the scale as well, and I know people who have done this with their own family members. Protecting your dignity, peace, mental health and loved ones is critical, so do the work beforehand to determine what those terms and conditions are.
4. Have an Exit Plan. This goes hand-in-hand with developing boundaries or “terms and conditions.” One the lines have been crossed, you have the option to execute your Exit Plan and leave. I discussed this back in 2019 when I posted an episode titled “10 Tips to Successfully Plan and Host an Event.” The last tip was “Have an Exit Strategy.” How about that? Five years later this tip comes back around because…it is SO TRUE.
5. Nothing good happens after midnight; leave or go to bed. The Witching Hour is appropriately named because after midnight, magical things happen and people turn into other creatures and trolls. Frankly, nothing good happens after midnight, especially when alcohol is involved. Go to bed and save the arguments, drama, struggles, fighting, mental abuse, poor decisions and strife that happens when family, friends, coworkers or other folks reach The Witching Hour.
6. Find others who feel the same way as you do; team up and develop an alliance. Birds of a feather flock together, and chances are that someone else feels like you do. Get together, name the stress and lean on each other. Team work makes the dream work! This is an effective technique when a toxic person or narcissist singles out a person and pounces on them with terrible comments and attitude. There is always strength in numbers, and the two or more of you can successfully keep each other out of trouble and away from the evil eye of Sauron. Another technique is to get others to talk about themseleves
7. Get people to talk about themselves or something silly. People don’t want to talk about you, what’s going on in your life and what your issues are to your face. They like to do that behind your back. They DO love to talk about themselves: their issues, their interests, their issues and their concerns. If you at a gathering and are dealing with difficult personalities, try to turn the conversation from you to them. Let them talk about themselves until they wear themselves out. Another game you can play is to get others to talk about an off-the-wall topic or something that isn’t super serious (ie, talk about mopeds or 1980’s rock stars and songs). Again, don’t get cornered, don’t stir the pot and leave or go to bed!
8. Get people off their “home turf” and meet at a differrent environment. Some people behave terribly when you are in their space: their home, their land, or their facility. You are essentially invading their space where you are using their stuff, food, drink and (most importantly) their rules. By getting people off their home turf and meet at nuetral ground like a restauant, hotel, resort or your own home, chances are higher that they will behave better and not be as toxic. This is not a guarante, but chances are higher.
9. Is it as bad as you think? Does that toxic person actually mean everything they say? Does their opinion matter? Here is where I am going to push back on Adam a little.
You are NOT being too sensitive; you feel the way you feel. The one pitfall here is to put our own feelings, mental health, intuition and spirit in a box and start questioning ourselves. Do not put that monkey on your back and doubt what you are feeling.
You know when someone is being shitty and putting you or your family down. It is not acceptable, and those people need to be told to stop it, screw off and then leave. Protect yourself, your family members and your inner peace. You KNOW when someone is treating you poorly and like a doormat, and you DO NOT have to accept it and agree with it. This is one of Tom’s Terms and Conditions, and it is one that I will be leaning into it heavily as part of my own Surviving Christmas Gatherings strategy.
A Drone Problem Song
for those of you new to the Small Scale Life Podcast, I do like to put some little skits, sounders, bloopers or parody songs on the tail end of the podcast. In Episode 239 and 240, I started the episodes with the parody songs (just to change it up a little).
Here are my lyrics to “A Drone Problem” parody song:
Yes, I admit
I’ve got a drone problem
They are always on my mind
I see them flying round and round
and I’ve tried to explain them a thoussand times.
Yes I admit
I’ve got a drone problem
Poppin up everywhere.
Followin me and always
Tryin to stare
Related to (but not even close to) the song “Thinkin Problem” by Dan Ball.
Links
Show Sponsor
This live-stream is brought to you by A Modern Frontier Farms: Modern Frontier Farms Website
Get all your pasture-raised beef, pork and chicken from A Modern Frontier Farms! Grass Fed; Grass Raised; 100% Delicious!
When he isn’t at a Farmer’s Market or hanging out with his wonderful wife and beautiful kids, Adam can be found at the following locations:
Other Related Shows
Adam has been a guest on the Small Scale Life Podcast a number of times. Here is a quick list of shows where he has been the guest or cohost:
- Highlights of the 2024 Acres USA Eco-Ag Conference – ANT Live 10
- 20 Simple Steps for Better Holiday Season – ANT Live 9
- How to Find Your First Customer – ANT Live 8
- Dreams and Goals: How to Manifest Your Future – ANT Live 7
- How to Find Your Passion: From Hobbies to Heartbeat – ANT Live 6
- Boredom: A Path to Mindfulness and Innovation – ANT Live 5
- Hustles and Hurdles: Side Hustles and the Gig Economy – ANT Live 4
- Mindset and Milestones: Prepping for a Life Upgrade – ANT Live 3
- The Importance of Getting Away – ANT Live 2
- Catching up with Adam Rick from Modern Frontier Farms – ANT Live 1
- Small Scale Life Episode 198 – Grass Fed Farm Business with Adam Rick
- Small Scale Life Episode 199 – Creating Heritage Meals and Deep Roots with Adam Rick
DISCLAIMER
I am not a doctor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a therapist. I am not in or connected to the medical community. Always consult a professional before trying any of these activities or any practice. Create and live your Small Scale Life at your own risk, but do it carefully and at your own risk. All actions you participate in are voluntary and at your own risk.
One More Thing….In Closing….
From the North to the South
From the East to the West and
Everywhere in between.
May the gods, spirits and folk
Be blessed at this place.
May we heal the land and
Protect the soil, animals and plants.
May we live in strength and love.
Leading the Way
As we learn, do grow and
Be a little better everyday!
This is Tom from the Small Scale Life Podcast. Have a great week! We’ll be back soon with another show. In the meantime, stay safe and take care everybody!
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Special Thanks
For Small Scale Life Podcasts, I would like to thank Sean at Osi and the Jupiter for the intro song "Harvest." Sean wrote this specifically for us, and I really enjoy all of his work. You can find more Osi and the Jupiter at their Bandcamp site: https://osifolk.bandcamp.com/
I would also like to thank Austin Quinn at Vlog Vibes for the intro and outro music. For more information abut Austin and Vlog Vibes, please see the Vlog Vibes YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY80LeqtJf-YBzJy2TWKpDw